Just wanted to say that I don’t know how much I can post here anymore. As of this morning, I have officially reached Prestige Level, and I assume my life is about to change in a big way. I’ve hired a personal assistant and an agent to help schedule my public appearances and autograph signings, and I seriously doubt that interacting with commoners like all of you will be possible from this day forward.
I know you’ll all be tempted to worship me or treat me as some sort of folk hero or deity or perhaps even the second coming of Jesus Christ himself. Totally understandable. But that’s the last thing I want. I’m a regular guy — just like all of you. Except now I’m much better than all of you. But I won’t let it go to my head. I’m way too good for that.
If you want to offer a tribute, please send pictures of available women who are both attracted to and capable of handling my level of celebrity. I prefer Latinas and redheads, but I’m open-minded enough to consider any 9.5+.
It’s been good to know you, but I am certain it’s been even better to know me.
His Most Reverend Excellency Dr. Schnauzer Q. Face III, Esq.